I’ll Probably Go to Hell


Jonah snapped the newspaper open. “It says that Sleazy Pete is giving a speech today on the steps of the Cathedral, of all places!”

Maggie, Jonah’s wife, looked up from packing her duffle bag. “I highly doubt that all his grandstanding will get him elected. Too many folks know him as a sleaze. Was that way in high school and is only worse now.”

“I wish I could be sure of that.” Jonah sighed. “So off to your Yoga class, now?”

“Yes. I might be a little late getting back. Coffee with the girls.” Maggie smiled, as she hefted the bag over her shoulder.

“Well, have fun! I’ll start supper by five o’clock.” Jonah went back to reading the newspaper, with a frown on his face.

Ten minutes later, Maggie dashed into the Yoga Studio and took her place at the back of the room. The twenty women were already into the warm-up exercises. Maggie joined in and waited for her chance to leave the group, when the ladies were occupied with the exercises. Cheryl, the instructor, gave Maggie a knowing nod – her signal to begin the task at hand.

At the cathedral, Pete Armstrong stood with his arms outstretched and boomed out to the crowd, “Welcome, my Friends, welcome!” Flashing his artificially whitened smile, he launched into his usual criticism of his opponent, and expounded on his own ‘virtues’. The gathering crowd murmured its discontent and roared with approval. No one, but one lone policeman, noticed the hunched old man standing in the open side door. He leaned heavily on his cane and appeared to be so attentive to the speech. Occasionally, he coughed slightly, but showed no emotion as the fervor of the crowd rose with each statement made by Pete Armstrong.

Suddenly, the old man seemed to develop a coughing fit – hard to catch his breath. He cupped his hand over his mouth. No one saw the thin projectile that shot forth to sting the illustrious Mr. Armstrong on the neck. Instinctively, the politician slapped his neck, driving the needle in deeper. Within seconds, his knees buckled and he tumbled down the stairs, to land in a lifeless heap at the feet of his audience. In the ensuing uproar, the little old man quietly slipped back into the shadows of the church and hurriedly left through the clergy entrance beside the altar.

Back at the Yoga Studio, ten minutes before the end of the session, Maggie silently slipped back into her place. With an almost imperctible nod to the instructor in the front of the room, she began the yoga positions with the other ladies.

After the class, the five founding members of the Yoga Club, sat around the outdoor table at the coffee bar around the corner. Their conversation was quietly controlled.

“It is done!” stated Maggie, without a tinge of remorse in her tone. “You don’t have to worry about your young niece, Sue. He won’t be assaulting anyone, ever again!

” I think we should consider that ‘sleaze’s’ debt paid in full, to all of us. And we won’t have to worry about him ever again. The Law wouldn’t handle this matter; so we took care of it ourselves. Probably saved a lot of other young women, too. I feel good about that!”

“I heard the sirens!” exclaimed Sue. “I was afraid you would get caught.”

“There was a cop standing in the crowd. I think he may have noticed me.”

“What about all the security cameras? They’re everywhere! I worry they may find you.” Jane brushed her long hair from her face.

Cheryl looked up and said, “You didn’t see what Maggie looked like when she left here.”

“Don’t worry. They won’t be looking for me. I won’t get caught.” Maggie was confident, but added, “I won’t get caught, but I’ll probably go to Hell for this.”

“If you do go to Hell, then we’ll be right behind you,” Cheryl and the others laughed.

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